Monday, February 1, 2010

Smokin' Aces 2: Assassins Ball

Some people smoke rocks, others prefer gorging on copious amounts of bacon.  Me, I like silly cinema.  This my friends is not just a goof ball film, it is a despicable and ruthless piece of HD (Hateful Definition) junk, and I am here to put it out of its misery, and I tend to oblige it.
Smokin' Aces was not a great film, but it was a  fun film.  It knew what it was doing and used an interesting stable of actors in some strange roles: ChrisPy is this dude, Miss Keys as a hooker/lesbian/assassin, and Jeremy Piven as a high strung, whacked out, ass (oh wait, last one was a bad example).
Thanks to the first (Smokin Aces) and my affinity for fun movies and their sequels (Crank 2, Duh).  I figured Smokin' Aces 2: Assassins Ball would be fun too.


I won't go into much but instead just hit the bad poi-err bullet poin... Ok I meant bad points.  
The story tried to be cool and packed with plot twists, but just came off predictable and boring, much like that economics teacher that tried to make a boring subject cool and just tanked miserably.  Sorry Professor PJ Pesce, I'm dropping this class, on the account that you're corny.
The acting was pretty much all around awful.  A few of the repeat offenders return and hold up their end of the bargain, but the new crop, yuck.  Clayne Crawford as Agent Baker has an acting career waiting for him, in the WWE, tossing lines with this guy.  Tom Berenger why?  I can't comprehend why you would do this film, but I guess you have to pay your bookie sometime eh.  (Sorry spent the last week in Canada).  As for our silver-screen harlots, spend some more time in the bull-pen(TELEVISION), then do a Maxim cover, and then head up to the majors.
Even the cinematography in this puppy was sick, (not the cool, surfer style sick, but the dying, painful kind).  There were a few brief moments that I was pulled in but for the most part this film looked like it was soap opera'd the hell out.  I have seen better lighting and depth-of-field in most sham-wow commercials.
Ok, so its time to say something nice.  The soundtrack for this film was actually pretty rocking.  They chose some great songs and put them in the right places, I would definitely look it up and if you don't have some of these tunes try them out.
Do not buy/rent/download/steal this film.  It's not worth it kids, take this from a guy who has spent many hours enduring bad cinema (SOLARBABIES), this is one of the worst.  Save yourself some time and brain cells and play it safe with this baby.  However I don't want to end on a negative note so on the other side of the spectrum I suggest everyone check out World's Greatest Dad, it's a little off but in a good way and is worth netflixxxing, or however you kooky kids watch movie films these days.

Banana-meter:  0.8/10 Bananas

P.S. I know this wasn't a theatrical release film, but it's one that I couldn't let slip away without giving it a piece of my mind.  Lo siento.

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